Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Restricted in EVERYTHING :(

Well just as I feared/expected, the pain of my injury is flaring up, and I'm out of commission.

I have no choice but to lie down. This sucks!

Calorie restriction is great, but when I'm FORCED to cut back on my exercise, I'm NOT happy.

Last night, while I was talking to DH after our DD went to sleep, I grabbed a handful of jujubes, without even thinking about it, and popped them into my mouth, one by one.

They tasted sooooo good.

And after I had finished eating them, and the pure enjoyment of the taste was washed over by anger about what I had just done, I immediately began to try figuring out how many damn calories that was.

I was afraid to know. I still don't know for sure, how many did I eat? It was almost like that part of my brain shut off so I could just pop them in without a second thought. The aftertaste made me angry. I felt like such an idiot - how could I not just, at one point throughout the process of walking over to the jar, unscrewing the lid, sticking my fat fingers into it, grabbing a handful, pulling my hand out, replacing the lid and screwing it back on, how could I NOT have been cognizant of what the fuck I was doing and STOP MYSELF.

My lax tea didn't solve anything, but the pain of it made me feel better. That's what I get for not being more aware.

Well, I suppose I should get my bed rest on. Fucking sucks - what the fuck can I do!

Figure out ways to create a homemade lipo-kit....

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