Slept in. Nice to have a quiet house. Hope it stays like this for a long time. (When I'm sleeping, I'm not eating.)

Had 150 cal for breakfast/lunch. Just burned off 273 on the treadmill. First time in a while I've done some cardio. Feeling pain in my injury, so I have to call it quits for a bit. Don't wanna blow it right outta the gates, I need to/want to take it slow. Restriction is gonna be my saving grace.

Finally back on track

After a mixed bag of the uncontrollable shifting of priorities these past 6 weeks, I can refocus my energy and get my ednos back on track.

I have thought about it everyday, and tried to stay true to me, keeping my eyes on the prize (20 lbs in 2 months - HIGHLY doable, right? I think so...)

This is going to come primarily from restriction, with cardio where and when (and if) I can fit it in. Still recovering, going for more treatment, but I can't be a sloth, either.

Today was supposed to be my unofficial new start with my focus back on the ball, but yesterday I had a pity binge (followed up by doubled amounts of laxatives and pills). Was fully prepared to pay for it with snug jeans today, but THANK YOU BODY, it co-operated with me, and my jeans fit as per usual!

Sure was a wake-up call - put my body through hell and fully expected to pay for it, was regretting the turmoil and fearful of the shame it was going to put me through this morning. Man was I pleasantly surprised to see it hadn't retaliated! I will take care of you now, Body - I will treat you with all the care, restriction and discipline it deserves.

No more messing around, no more taking it for granted. Binges are not acceptable.

Discovered a wonderful new juice today. 10 cal/250ml.

Put a cup in a litre of water to not only make my water taste yummy, but to make those 10 cal stretch.

Also picked up some new fare for c&s, sugar-free jello, and fresh spinach.

Jello is in the fridge....jelling...???...lying awake when I know I'm tired, thinking about c&s...feeling hungry and tired. Flipped over to My 600lb Life.

Definitely supressing my hunger pangs. They look like how I feel.

Looking forward to jello tomorrow (it's lime) :)

So, so pretty. She is definitely ana, and it's working for her. Funny, stunning, successful. I want to be her (only I'm happy with my dark hair). 

Gorgeous.

Feeling a bit better about things today...gonna go with that momentum and hope for the best.

Stuck to mostly liquids yesterday, but I did eat a small supper with my hubby. Not the greatest choices either, but I had restriction ony mind the whole time, so u am cognizant of my surroundings and what I am doing, and that's important - not to let myself get swallowed up and jaded by hunger, to keep the bigger picture in focus.

Gonna go make more sugar-free jello - a nice cheat for my brain.

Peace and love!

Ahhhh, the familiar comforting pain of the laxative in my system - the cramping, the cold sweats, the shakes, the nausea....punishment for the way I look(ed in those pics from last night).

Convinced my friend to take them down. She obliged, but they are still in existence.

They will always serve as a reminder of my failure, my inability to succeed.

Today is a new day, a fresh start, a new plan of attack.

No more 1/2c fibre cereal for breakfast (my 90 cal for the first half of the day); nope, cutting that our, doing just unsweetened almond milk (35cal/cup), sugar-free jello (10cal/half cup), more laxatives and a small spinach salad for supper.

I'm a fucking failure, as past behaviours predict; however, the glorious thing about being alive is that I have another day to make a change.

I fucking hate myself.

Just when I feel good and let loose a little bit with friends, allow myself to get caught up in the fun and have a good time, someone's gotta take a picture of my fat ass and post it on facebook for all to see.

This is why I hate going out.

I thought this time might be different.

I was fucking wrong.

I fucked up.