Busy days...

With lots to keep me busy, I have to remind myself to eat - which is both a blessing and a curse.

I feel I am on the very precipice of this ED, with the capability to slip off and go full-on ana. I'm not there, I can't be there. To be honest, I DON'T wanna be there. Not yet. It's not time for that just yet. I can hear her whispering to me though...

But being EDNOS-R, I feel as though I HAVE to eat SOMETHING to keep my metabolism going, otherwise my body will go into "fat-storage" mode, and that scares the ever-loving shit outta me. I know I could just up my exercise to offset it all (to be quite honest, I would have to do more research on this - maybe what I think would happen and how to counteract it isn't exactly what WOULD happen and what I SHOULD be doing). But that's where I'm at now - the sheer capacity of my stomach has decreased to the point where a small salad of naked spinach leaves fills me up. There's no room.

And I have no excuse to not eat with my family. For the most part, I will prepare supper and when my husband comes home, I will tell him to go ahead and eat with our daughter, I'm just too exhausted from my day to join them. But I can't do that everyday. He is good at not paying attention though; he doesn't notice I'm not eating half the stuff I make for him and our girl, and that there's hardly any food on my plate. He doesn't think to question, doesn't pick up on it.

When I used to live at home, before I was married, this was an issue.

I hated every fucking moment of meal times.

But fast forward to today - hubby continues to compliment more and more. Clothes feeling a bit looser.

Not loose enough.

Never loose enough.

Being so busy lately, and for the next couple of weeks, I find I can live off of c&s exclusively. Taking all  my pills as I go, and following up with my magic tea, and I am golden. Too busy to exercise every day the conventional way, so I get to be creative and make it work for me regardless - gotta keep moving.

Busy days......