"Everything's Just Fine..."

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Posted by Penny Lane at 6:36 PM

Penny Lane: Trapped in a vicious mental battle for most of my life between what's "normal" for everyone else and what I feel I must to - what I am compelled to do - to belong in this world. I believe thin will always win. I have battled the demons for far too long, and desperately need an outlet, another forum, to allow them to scatter out and onto my keyboard instead of just lingering about in my mind. Years of self-abuse, a suicide attempt, anger and disgust, not knowing how to cope, not wanting to tell anyone, scared to relinquish my needs to starve for fear that I will become everything I hate: a failure, a loser, and an overweight loner. I didn't realize I wasn't the only person in the world who would chew & spit, or who would feel angry for actually letting food slide down my throat - that is, until I came across pro-ana/mia/ed-nos blogs. This has been my life for 25 years. And this will continue to be my life until it brings me to a place of inner peace, when I can find that perfect size and self-acceptance.

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