Definitely restricted today.
Not enough water though.
One day at a time. I can't expect to pick up where I left off after such a long hiatus .... right?
But I am afraid to fail. I ended up c&s some leftover sweets (was go an take a pic of the mess on the paper towel to remind me that this shit would otherwise be floating around in my body. Gross.) but I didn't. Could make for good negative reinforcement though!
Spinach leaves with a bit of cheese for protein. A splash of ff sun-dried tomato dressing for cohesiveness (next time I will lose that part). Tea and water, bit nearly enough of the latter.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Busy weekend coming up - my only child has a bday party on Sat that I have been planning for months. Stress will subside on Sunday afternoon.
Until then, I have to stay focused and keep my eyes on the prize.
Such bullshit. All the effort and time I put into thinking about how ugly my body is, and how I must punish myself for eating (steady abuse of laxative tea for starters - should only take 1 tea bag a week - I take 4 a day - the stomach cramps and cold sweats and shakes, and crazy bowel evac reminds me that I did this to myself. If I just didn't EAT, I wouldn't have to evacuate my innards so viciously).
All this energy is expended on me. So very selfish.
This is my life.
I'm married to a great man, and I'm lucky to have him, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to be wanted by other men. I would never cheat. I just need to know that the option would be there, that I could be desirable enough, that when my DH says I am beautiful, that I believe it. (I married a man who is nice = obligated to compliment.)
Wow maybe I should cease this novel and try to sleep....thinspo dreams!
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