The festivities are finally over.

And I feel like curling up in a ball and crying until I vomit.

Ate hardly anything all day yesterday - nothing at all until the party, when ppl were watching me and telling me to try the cake that I was raving about. But I didn't go overboard.

I thought I was looking decent.

Until this morning, when I got a bunch of pics from the party emailed to me.

SO glad someone was able to take pics - I was too busy running the party to capture any moments myself - and despite my attempts at avoiding the camera, part of me WANTED to be in a pic with my birthday girl. For the sake of posterity I suppose.

But now, after seeing the pics, I am disgusted. I look horrible.

So much work to do.

But there's no point in dwelling on how negative these pics are. I know I have to change. These are just reinforcement of that.

This is a blessing in disguise - now I have the time to kick up my laxative intake and severely restrict and even try to get in some cardio and some weights, despite my injury. Gotta forge ahead.

Got my cayenne pepper pills, my CLA, ginger - I have to do this. No more excuses.

Stopping the screaming in my head and commencing operation fake smile....